Thoughts of a dad with children on the Autistic Spectrum.

Life is ever increasingly speeding up – at least that is the way it seems - and because of this, just gathering my thoughts has been an ever increasing challenge.

If you know my family, we are a mom, a dad, 4 children and 3 dogs. 3 of our children have special needs (neurodivergant) – 2 autistic and one who is globally developmentally delayed. Our oldest daughter is neurotypical. So trust me when I say, we have adjusted to life in a unique way.

I work in a small northern community (population around 1300) as a pastor of a beautiful group of people. The main language here is French, we are English. 2 of our children go to a school each day that is 67 km's away. That is where the English high school is.

Constant advocacy for our children is a must. We communicate with the school on a daily basis through “communication booklets” If warranted, the school will call us to let us know something out of the ordinary has happened. This usually is a couple times a week. Our family life is planned meticulously. Because it has to be. Detailed routine schedules, doctor appointments, special needs workers, school meetings, more doctor appointments. Manoeuvring daily while adapting to life.

It has been years since our first son was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum and still it is hard for me to explain. Not the explanation, but just communicating to people in a way that they understand. Now we have 3 children that are unique. As I wrote that last line, I smiled. I smiled because I know that there are families facing even greater challenges than us and I want to show you my heartfelt empathy to you. :)

So, how do we explain what is going on? Explaining to family, to friends, and to strangers that ask - “what is the matter with your kids?” Actually instead of explaining, I like to use the word “educate”

Here is what we do - my wife or I put on a smile and then start to educate the person who asked the question. We explain that this behaviour is normal for our older son...or our younger son...or our youngest daughter. He/she has trouble focusing, can't sit for periods of time, is easily distracted (unless it sparks a interest, and then for hours at a time they will focus on that item). There are specific textures that drive them to gag, so they are 'picky' on what is eaten. That 'jumping around' that they do (each child is unique – one flaps and nods his head, one jumps, one flaps his hands) is not because they are trying to be disruptive...to them it is a release. A release of anxiety, release of daily pressures, release of being teased, release of over the stimulation of their senses.

Now this is usually what happens – I am then told of a new diet, a new treatment, a new study by the person I am trying to explain (educate) too. I usually smile. 99% of the people are actually trying to be helpful and compassionate so I don't confront, I don't argue, I don't rebut...I smile... and hope that they heard me.

In the back of my mind I sometimes think – and I am sure parents of neurodivergent children would concur - If people knew how much scientific research I have read, how many experts I have talked too, how many doctors I have consulted, how many seminars I have participated in...if people only knew.

I just want to say one last little thing for today – maybe it will help someone in a similar situation or life challenge. One thing that I hold tightly onto is my faith in God. That is what gives me hope. That is what keeps me sane. You see, I was told by a man one day (who has a son with autism) - “Tim, do you know why you and your wife have 3 special needs children? It is because God trusted you enough to watch over them.”

Have a great day friends.