What not to say...you cannot un-ring a bell

It's been a while friends since I have updated my Blog. I can't promise I'll be writing as much - things are really busy in my and my families lives right now. I had a few minutes tonight, so here goes.....About seven weeks ago, I had very unfortunate experience....this is what I had started to write, then I stopped...

"You see, my wife and I are expecting again and it is suppose to be a happy time. Funny how one persons happiness, is used by others to rip and tear you down. Some people just don't think...Or maybe they do think, but have no filter between the brain and the mouth? Here are some words NOT to say when someone tells you they are expecting: These are things that I heard in the last couple of days. I am not saying by who or whom, but I heard it more than once.

"I guess you weren't using birth control"

"Really, another one?"

"Oh No...you already have your hands full"

"I guess I should congratulate you?" "

So that was 7 weeks ago. Last week, I sat beside my wife in the hospital, holding her hand, crying with her as she miscarried. I now reflect on those words that were said a few weeks earlier... I am trying not to get bitter. I am trying not to be angry. But it reminds me of how hurtful and damaging words can be. So instead I reflect on how fabulous the nurses were. They treated my wife with compassion and professionalism. One of them cried with her, and they all showed amazing compassion. The doctor was caring. He was very helpful and forthcoming. 

Now here is part 2 of things not to say....this is what was said to me the day after the miscarriage to my wife. "You know, there is a new study out that siblings are 20% more likely to have autism if one sibling has already been diagnosed. So maybe this was a blessing?"

My wife responded - "Well you know that nothing surprises the Lord, so why would this child have to worry"

the response...."Well the Lord took the child...didn't He."

I was amazed....totally speechless.

I actually had to preach the next day. Emotions were flowing. Pain was in my heart. While I sat beside my wife, Jeremiah 29:11-13 came to mind.  

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart...so that is what I spoke on. A few verses on hope. A few verses of encouragement :)

I had studied and planned on speaking on Psalm 51. While studying, I read about King David losing his son with Bathsheba. When he lost his son, he said - "my son cannot come back to me, but I can go to him." That was on the Monday of the ultrasound....the morning we found out that the baby did not make it. 

I really believe that the Lord was preparing my heart for what was to take place over the next several days.

So in summary we will carry on -  trying to make light of what was said - looking for the best in everything. When all is said and done, it boils down to how you view a child. You see, I believe that children are a gift from God. They are to be loved, cherished, supported and cared for. They are not a "mistake."  You can agree with me, you can disagree with me...but you know what - I'm tired and not in the mood for a fight. Blessings to everyone of you that are reading this :)