Thoughts of a dad with children on the Autistic Spectrum.

Life is ever increasingly speeding up – at least that is the way it seems - and because of this, just gathering my thoughts has been an ever increasing challenge.

If you know my family, we are a mom, a dad, 4 children and 3 dogs. 3 of our children have special needs (neurodivergant) – 2 autistic and one who is globally developmentally delayed. Our oldest daughter is neurotypical. So trust me when I say, we have adjusted to life in a unique way.

I work in a small northern community (population around 1300) as a pastor of a beautiful group of people. The main language here is French, we are English. 2 of our children go to a school each day that is 67 km's away. That is where the English high school is.

Constant advocacy for our children is a must. We communicate with the school on a daily basis through “communication booklets” If warranted, the school will call us to let us know something out of the ordinary has happened. This usually is a couple times a week. Our family life is planned meticulously. Because it has to be. Detailed routine schedules, doctor appointments, special needs workers, school meetings, more doctor appointments. Manoeuvring daily while adapting to life.

It has been years since our first son was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum and still it is hard for me to explain. Not the explanation, but just communicating to people in a way that they understand. Now we have 3 children that are unique. As I wrote that last line, I smiled. I smiled because I know that there are families facing even greater challenges than us and I want to show you my heartfelt empathy to you. :)

So, how do we explain what is going on? Explaining to family, to friends, and to strangers that ask - “what is the matter with your kids?” Actually instead of explaining, I like to use the word “educate”

Here is what we do - my wife or I put on a smile and then start to educate the person who asked the question. We explain that this behaviour is normal for our older son...or our younger son...or our youngest daughter. He/she has trouble focusing, can't sit for periods of time, is easily distracted (unless it sparks a interest, and then for hours at a time they will focus on that item). There are specific textures that drive them to gag, so they are 'picky' on what is eaten. That 'jumping around' that they do (each child is unique – one flaps and nods his head, one jumps, one flaps his hands) is not because they are trying to be disruptive...to them it is a release. A release of anxiety, release of daily pressures, release of being teased, release of over the stimulation of their senses.

Now this is usually what happens – I am then told of a new diet, a new treatment, a new study by the person I am trying to explain (educate) too. I usually smile. 99% of the people are actually trying to be helpful and compassionate so I don't confront, I don't argue, I don't rebut...I smile... and hope that they heard me.

In the back of my mind I sometimes think – and I am sure parents of neurodivergent children would concur - If people knew how much scientific research I have read, how many experts I have talked too, how many doctors I have consulted, how many seminars I have participated in...if people only knew.

I just want to say one last little thing for today – maybe it will help someone in a similar situation or life challenge. One thing that I hold tightly onto is my faith in God. That is what gives me hope. That is what keeps me sane. You see, I was told by a man one day (who has a son with autism) - “Tim, do you know why you and your wife have 3 special needs children? It is because God trusted you enough to watch over them.”

Have a great day friends.

Smoothing out the road

It has been a while...18 months since I last updated my Blog. I took a look and it has had a little over 13,000 views. Not too bad ...lol

I sit in my office today as the road crew replaces the street in front of the church. Normally, the birds are singing and the odd car drives by. Today, there is a constant roar of a machine eating pavement. And in a few days, that noise will be gone and the new road will be complete.

Our minds can be like that pavement machine – every now and then it gets loud, noisy, the earth shakes, things look terrible and traffic slows to a halt.

Watchman Nee said, “An unpeaceful mind cannot operate normally. Hence the Apostle teaches us to “have no anxiety [stress] about anything” (Phil. 4:6). Deliver all anxious thoughts to God as soon as they arise. Let the peace of God maintain your heart and mind (v. 7).

I would like to share some Scriptures with you – Scripture to help bring peace back to your mind:

Philippians 4:6,7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Proverbs 16:3 Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Dr. Henry Brandt puts it like this:

TAKE A STEP
Find a little time to evaluate your reactions to your current situations.

What is keeping you from experiencing God’s love, joy, and peace?

Are you willing to yield yourself to the Lord?

Are you willing to release the emotions to Him that are affecting your life in a negative way?

Do you truly desire His peace?

Ask God to fill you with His peace and to show you how you can change.

My final thought...The road eventually will be smooth, once the builder is finished with it :)

Do you know your weakness?

 

Good morning friends and family....Do you know that our enemy knows our weaknesses? He designs temptations to carefully match your personality. Think with me for a moment...Fear in the path of an introvert, ease and release of the uncontrolled tongue to the exhausted person, uncontrolled desire for food for the lonely or busy, false promises of a better life to the love starved spouse, numbness of alcohol to the depressed, ultimate self sufficiency to the strong willed with the fantasy that he or she needs no one else...the list goes on and on...What is your weak spot? I bet you know what it is. 1 Peter 5:8 says "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Be aware...be alert...Today, give it over to God. Ask for His grace, ask for His help....then allow Him help you. You may need to change your habits by removing yourself from situations that are not helpful to you...you may need to change your friends - not all friends are friends - if someone is tearing you down and using you, you need to rethink that friendship...you may need to change how you see life - Do you realize the God REALLY LOVES YOU and wants the best for you....you may need to change how you view yourself - You are a beautiful creation, designed by God and have great value...Remember friends, one day at a time and the learning happens "during" the journey Have a great day friends !

What I learned in 2013.

It has been a while since I blogged...A lot has gone on in the last 6 months - So where do I start? 2013 will be a year I never will forget. I've learned a lot. A lot that is deeply personal to me. A lot about myself and I will share some of it with you – my friends, my family.
I learned that life is like a vapour, here one minute, gone the next. I talked to my mom at 5:20pm one day...and that very night she went home to be with the Lord.
I learned priorities. God, my family then church, and that and is making me a better husband, a better dad, and a better pastor.
I learned that I have friends that deeply care for me and my family.
I learned that if you do not get the rest you need, your body will force you to rest.
I learned that God is in control and He will accomplish His will, with or without my help.
I also learned that if I get in God's way, He will gently correct – as a loving Father does.
I learned that it doesn't matter what people say about me – my confidence and self worth comes from God, not people.
I learned that my children are a beautiful gift...a gift that God has entrusted into my and wife's hands. They are precious flowers, delicate and in need of constant caring and love.
I learned that my wife means more to me now, than ever before.
I learned that God is not in a rush, nothing catches Him by surprise...God's plan is not according to my timing, it's according to His.
I learned that Bethel really loves my family and me. God has His hand on this Assembly – Good things are happening – we must remain faithful to God's timing, one day at a time, one step at a time.
I learned that the people of Smooth Rock Falls are loving, caring and considerate – even more than I ever dreamed.
I learned that 2013 was just that....a learning year for me. A year of refining. I'd be lying if I said it was painless. I'd be lying if I said it was comfortable. I'd be lying if I said it was fun...it wasn't. But here is the thing that I learned...joy comes in the morning. The morning may or may not be 2014...I don't know. But I do know Who is in control. I do know that He is just. And I know that He loves me, my cherished wife, my blessed children, my precious Bethel family, and the wonderful people of Smooth Rock Falls. What better place to be May God bless you in 2014 !

My Mom - Eulogy that I gave at my mom's funeral, June 29th, 2013

My Mom

I stand here today to tell you what my mom means to me:

When I was sick, she was my nurse, - I can remember having the mumps. I could not open my mouth...mom bought me a bag of Doritos...I was able to slide them between my teeth and then let them dissolve in my mouth...

When I needed to go to hockey or baseball, she was my personal chauffeur- one time we were coming back from a hockey game in Mitchell...it was snowing so bad we could not see the road...mom had me stick my head out the window so we could see where the shoulder of the road was. We made it home safely...

When I was in trouble, she was my advocate, - we aren't going to talk about this one :)

When I was confused, she was my voice of clarity,

When I was depressed, she lifted my spirit,

When I was angry, she calmed me down, - my sister (I won't say which one (Faith)) had the ability to turn a kind, gentle me...into the incredible hulk....one night my sister and I had a minor disagreement...I got mad and put my foot through the side of the couch..picture a hole ...a big hole...through the side of the couch...I then went outside, got my hockey stick and started to shoot the puck....mom came home from work saw me outside and said...What did Your sister do?... I caused the damage...my sister got in trouble :)

When I was bitter, she sweetened my mood,

When I got mad at God, She reminded me that " all things work together for good to those who love God"

When my Papa (grandfather) passed away, I got very mad at God. I asked my mom a couple questions...questions that a lot of you are probably asking right now...."How could a kind and loving God take such a wonderful person?" or "Why did mom suffer painfully for her last 15 years and then die suddenly?"

I'll answer the second question first....I truly believe that my mom was specifically chosen by God and given His grace, to be an example for me...an example for us all here today.... an example that no matter what my situation is, I have a choice...I can choose to praise or I can choose to complain...I can choose to honour God, or I can choose to ignore God...I can choose to focus on what I don't have, or I can choose to make the most out of what I do have... I can choose to focus on my shortcomings or I can choose to focus on my strengths....I can choose to be bitter or I can choose to let go...I can choose to hate or I can choose to forgive.... I can choose ...The choice is mine...but the choice is also yours.... My mom was an example for us...an example God used to draw us closer to Him...if we choose....

Now back to the first question - How could a kind and loving God take such a wonderful person...my mom answered it to me this way..."Papa was ready...Papa loved the Lord with all his heart...God was giving more time to others - time for people to come to know Him."

My mom told me that...and I chose to be mad at God....I chose...But my mom prayed for me...she loved me...she encouraged me...she believed God would get a hold of me....and He did.

Today, I mourn my mom. I miss her dearly. I wish I could talk to her one more time – the last time I talked with her was Monday afternoon at 5:35pm...On Tuesday morning @ 2:45am she was gone....I wish I could give her one more kiss, give her one more hug....just one more... .she's my mom....But even as I mourn, even as I miss her...I know where my mom is. Do Not say that I Lost My Mom...When you lose something, you don't know where it is – I know where my mom is !!! I know that she has finished her race...she has gained her prize....I know that the Lord welcomed her by saying...."Well done, my good and faithful servant."

I know that one day, I will see her again. And on that day, I will talk with her... I will give her a kiss...I will hug her...and I will thank her for being a loving... Godly.... Mom to me...

I Love You Mom :)