Thoughts of a dad with children on the Autistic Spectrum.

Life is ever increasingly speeding up – at least that is the way it seems - and because of this, just gathering my thoughts has been an ever increasing challenge.

If you know my family, we are a mom, a dad, 4 children and 3 dogs. 3 of our children have special needs (neurodivergant) – 2 autistic and one who is globally developmentally delayed. Our oldest daughter is neurotypical. So trust me when I say, we have adjusted to life in a unique way.

I work in a small northern community (population around 1300) as a pastor of a beautiful group of people. The main language here is French, we are English. 2 of our children go to a school each day that is 67 km's away. That is where the English high school is.

Constant advocacy for our children is a must. We communicate with the school on a daily basis through “communication booklets” If warranted, the school will call us to let us know something out of the ordinary has happened. This usually is a couple times a week. Our family life is planned meticulously. Because it has to be. Detailed routine schedules, doctor appointments, special needs workers, school meetings, more doctor appointments. Manoeuvring daily while adapting to life.

It has been years since our first son was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum and still it is hard for me to explain. Not the explanation, but just communicating to people in a way that they understand. Now we have 3 children that are unique. As I wrote that last line, I smiled. I smiled because I know that there are families facing even greater challenges than us and I want to show you my heartfelt empathy to you. :)

So, how do we explain what is going on? Explaining to family, to friends, and to strangers that ask - “what is the matter with your kids?” Actually instead of explaining, I like to use the word “educate”

Here is what we do - my wife or I put on a smile and then start to educate the person who asked the question. We explain that this behaviour is normal for our older son...or our younger son...or our youngest daughter. He/she has trouble focusing, can't sit for periods of time, is easily distracted (unless it sparks a interest, and then for hours at a time they will focus on that item). There are specific textures that drive them to gag, so they are 'picky' on what is eaten. That 'jumping around' that they do (each child is unique – one flaps and nods his head, one jumps, one flaps his hands) is not because they are trying to be disruptive...to them it is a release. A release of anxiety, release of daily pressures, release of being teased, release of over the stimulation of their senses.

Now this is usually what happens – I am then told of a new diet, a new treatment, a new study by the person I am trying to explain (educate) too. I usually smile. 99% of the people are actually trying to be helpful and compassionate so I don't confront, I don't argue, I don't rebut...I smile... and hope that they heard me.

In the back of my mind I sometimes think – and I am sure parents of neurodivergent children would concur - If people knew how much scientific research I have read, how many experts I have talked too, how many doctors I have consulted, how many seminars I have participated in...if people only knew.

I just want to say one last little thing for today – maybe it will help someone in a similar situation or life challenge. One thing that I hold tightly onto is my faith in God. That is what gives me hope. That is what keeps me sane. You see, I was told by a man one day (who has a son with autism) - “Tim, do you know why you and your wife have 3 special needs children? It is because God trusted you enough to watch over them.”

Have a great day friends.

My son and the Special Olympics

Hundreds of athletes !

As many of you know, my son was diagnosed a few years ago with autism. He's a special kid to me. He struggles with communicating, he struggles with comprehension...he does very well in athletics. He's is funny, humorous, and sometimes a little trying on my patience...that's OK though – all kids have that effect on parents.

Today I had the pleasure of seeing my son compete in the Special Olympics. I had never seen an event like this. This was different, this was fun. You see, I was very competitive in every sport I participated in. I had a goal, to win. I would train, I would focus, I would get in the zone...then my goal was to deliver – most times I did. And when I didn't, I felt bad. I felt as if I failed both myself and my team members. Today, watching my son – I was so proud.

When we got to the track, there were several hundred athletes, and several hundred helpers. The goal was to compete...and to have fun. I looked around, and tears came to my eyes. Fortunately for me I had my sun glasses on. I didn't want to be a spectacle. As I looked around I saw children hugging, cheering each other on, and a ton of smiling faces....they were actually having fun.

My son and his helper for the day.

I looked all over for my son...hundreds of people walking around and I had to find my son. He was going to compete in a few minutes and I didn't want to miss it. Then I saw him, walking with his helper about 75 meters away. I walked his way and waved, then he saw me. The joy I had as he ran over to give me a hug - `Daddy, daddy, you came to see me!` he shouted. He gave me a hug and then ran back to his helper, he had to get ready for the softball throw.

I positioned myself at the end of the throwing area. I needed to get a nice picture of him. Finally it was his turn.

My son throwing

He wound up and let the ball go – All I remember thinking was,”nice throw buddy” After about 10 minutes, it was time to announce the ribbons. My son did well - 1^st place. He ran over and gave me another hug. 

The thing was, I couldn't care if he got first, or finished last...he did his best. Yep, I'm proud of my son – and of all the other athletes that demonstrated sportsmanship in a way that I've never seen before. We could all learn from their example.

Riding the Small Bus...My child & Autism

My son getting ready to get on his small bus....

It wasn't long ago that my son was diagnosed as being Autistic. After years of seeing developmental specialists, developmental pediatricians, doctors, speech therapists, occupational therapists, and psychiatrists a diagnosis was reached – Autistic Spectrum Disorder with PPD – in other words he has trouble communicating and socializing.

He now goes to a special program at public school. He has one on one help. And he has transportation provided for him. Every morning, the small bus picks him up at our door – and every evening the small bus drops him off at home. He loves riding in his bus, the small bus.

So the next time you want to, or you know of someone that makes fun of the small bus....remember my son, and several other children ride it to school every day. It is their means of transportation to get their education. It's easy to ridicule and make fun of children...they don't fight back. They don't have the skills to make a rebuttal. They certainly aren't aware that people are laughing at them. However, me being an adult I do have the skills to take up their cause. I will fight back - not to hurt, but to educate. I do not find the humour in making fun of children that have no choice in the way they were created. And let me make it clear...my son rides the small bus - I am proud of my son and I love him dearly. :)